Will Rogers

"I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat"

Will Rogers

Conan O'Brien

Yesterday, General David Petraeus testified before the Senate for 10 hours with just two bathroom breaks. During the same period, Senator Larry Craig took 73 bathroom breaks." --Conan O'Brien

David Letterman on The Bathroom Senator

The guy was arrested for lewd behavior in the men's room, and I'm thinking, 'Well, hell. I'm lucky if I can get a hand dryer to blow'" --David Letterman

Bill Cosby

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.
Bill Cosby

Sharon Stone on Sex

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."

Sharon Stone

PJ O'Rourke

"Excuse for Republicans driving sports cars that cost more than their fathers ever made in a year: It's cheaper than marrying a woman half my age." --P.J. O'Rourke

David Letterman after 9-11 serious - awesome

David Letterman: (after 9-11) (pictured with Johnny Carson )
"The reason we were attacked, the reason these people are dead, these people are missing and dead … They weren't doing anything wrong, they were living their lives, they were going to work, they were traveling, they were doing what they normally do. Uh, as I understand it—and my understanding of this is vague, at best—another smaller group of people stole some airplanes and crashed them into buildings. And we're told that they were zealots fueled by religious fervor, religious fervor. And if you live to be a thousand years old, will that make any sense to you? Will that make any goddamned sense?"

Barack Obama

“I'm so overexposed, I'm making Paris Hilton look like a recluse.”
Barack Obama

Bruce Springsteen

"You've got to learn to live with what you can't rise above”
Bruce Springsteen

Rush Limbaugh on Barack Obama Racist Comment

I couldn't believe how racist this statement from Rush Limbaugh was.

"If it's not something you want to be, if you didn't decide it, renounce it, become white."
Rush Limbaugh, on Sen. Barack Obama.

Ann Coulter Is Disgusting

No Need to say anything derogatory about Ann Coulter ..she defames herself with every word she utters.

We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity."

"I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate, John Edwards, but it turns out that you have to go into rehab if you use the word 'faggot,' so I'm - so, kind of at an impasse, can't really talk about Edwards, so I think I'll just conclude here and take your questions"

"My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."

"These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by grief-arazzis. These self-obsessed women seemed genuinely unaware that 9/11 was an attack on our nation and acted as if the terrorist attacks happened only to them. ... I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' deaths so much ... the Democrat ratpack gals endorsed John Kerry for president ... cutting campaign commercials... how do we know their husbands weren't planning to divorce these harpies? Now that their shelf life is dwindling, they'd better hurry up and appear in Playboy."

Wizard Of Oz

"You, my friend, are a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate impression that just because you run away you have no courage; you're confusing courage with wisdom"

The Wizard Of Oz

Wizard Of Oz

"You, my friend, are a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate impression that just because you run away you have no courage; you're confusing courage with wisdom"

The Wizard Of Oz

Sharon Stone

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." -Sharon Stone

Leno On Angelina Jolie--lucky Brad

"In an interview in Marie Claire magazine, the beautiful
Angelina Jolie says it's easier for her to hold a conversa-
tion when she’s naked. She's more comfortable talking when
she's nude. Well, can't we book her on the show?" -Jay Leno

Paris Hilton --The Joke is on Her

"You'll be happy to know that Paris Hilton is back in jail.
If this is an episode of 'Punk'd,' it's the best episode
ever." -Jimmy Kimmel

Chevy Chase Goes Political

"I think the Clintons are brilliant. I've never met a person as intelligent as Bill, and I think Hillary is right up there with him. They're too smart for Washington. "

Chevy Chase, the Former SNL Anchor

Bill Cosby

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
Bill Cosby

Barack Obama

"This president may occupy the White House, but for the last six years the position of leader of the free world has remained open." Barack Obama

Rudy Guiliani

"A gallon of milk is probably about a $1.50, a loaf of bread about a $1.25, $1.30."
Rudy Giuliani

Hank Aaron

"I'm 72 years old, and I'm not hopping on a plane and flying all the way to San Francisco for anybody."
Hank Aaron, on being on hand if Bonds breaks record.

Larry Birkhead

"I Told You So"
Larry Birkhead

Keith Richards Snorts WHAT ?

The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father. He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow."
Keith Richards

Difference Between Dogs & Cats

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOGS AND CATS


A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love
me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take
good care of me...
They must be gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love
me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and
take good care of me...
I must be a god!

"To the world you might be one person,
but to one person you might be the world."

Dick Cheney

With the Scooter Libby Verdict In ..I thought we should revisit this one with the thouht of what the esteemed VP must be thinking today.

"Go f*ck yourself."
Dick Cheney
--to Sen. Patrick Leahy, during an angry exchange on the Senate floor about profiteering by Halliburton, June 25, 2004

Al Gore

Our democracy, our constitutional framework is really a kind of software for harnessing the creativity and political imagination for all of our people. The American democratic system was an early political version of Napster.

Al Gore

David St. Hubbins of Spinal Tap

Well, I don't really think that the end can be assessed as of itself as being the end because what does the end feel like? It's like saying when you try to extrapolate the end of the universe, you say, if the universe is indeed infinite, then how - what does that mean? How far is all the way, and then if it stops, what's stopping it, and what's behind what's stopping it? So, what's the end, you know, is my question to you.

David St. Hubbins of Spinal Tap

Warren Buffett

At 76, I feel terrific and, according to all measurable indicators, am in excellent health. It's amazing what Cherry Coke and hamburgers will do for a fellow." Warren Buffett

Quotes of the Week

This is the same guy that said we'd be greeted as liberators, the same guy that said that we're in the last throes. I'm sure he forecast sun today. When Dick Cheney says it's a good thing, you know that you've probably got some big problems."
Barack Obama


"John said some nasty things about me the other day, and then next time he saw me, ran over to me and apologized. Maybe he'll apologize to Rumsfeld."
Vice President Dick Cheney

"There were a lot of funny things in it, but it has nothing to do with the real Kazakhstan."
Kanat B. Saudabayev, Kazakh ambassador to U.S., on Borat.

MIchael Jordan

I took cooking classes when I was younger; girls weren't interested in me, and I thought I may be alone for the rest of my life. --Michael Jordan

Einstein

"Make friends with a few animals. Then you will become a cheerful man once more and nothing will be able to trouble you." --Albert Einstein