Jodie Foster Quotes

"Normal isn't something we should aspire to, it's something to get away from." Jodie Foster

Descartes

An optimist may see a light where there is none, but why must the pessimist always run to blow it out? -Descartes

Best Definiton of Friend

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.   Unknown

Glee - The Best and Bitchiest Sue Sylvester Quotes

Best Quotes from Sue Sylvester of Glee in Season One !

Showmance'

"Let me be the one to break the silence. That was the most offensive thing I've seen in 20 years of teaching. And that includes an elementary-school production of 'Hair.'"

Preggers'

"Not everyone's going to have the walnuts to take a pro-littering stance, but I will not rest until every inch of our fair state is covered in garbage. That's why I pay taxes. It keeps garbage men working so they can afford tacos. To feed their families."

'Preggers'

"And to the naysayers who say you can't strike children on their bare buttocks with a raw bamboo stick I say, 'YES WE CANE.'"

'Preggers'

"You know, there's a question I get asked a lot. Whether I'm accepting an honorary doctorate or performing a citizen's arrest, people ask me, 'Sue, what's your secret?' Well, I'll tell you my secret, western Ohio. Sue Sylvester's not afraid to shake things up. You know, I'm tired of hearing people complain, 'I'm riddled with this disease!' or 'I was in that tsunami!' To them, I say 'Shake it up a bit! Get out of your box! Even if that box happens to be where you're living.' I'll often yell at homeless people. 'Hey, how's that homelessness working out for ya? Give not being homeless a try, huh?' You know something, Ohio? It's not easy breaking out of your comfort zone. People will tear you down, tell you you shouldn't have bothered in the first place, but let me tell you something. There's not much of a difference between a stadium full of cheering fans and an angry crowd screaming abuse at you. They're both just making a lot of noise. How you take it is up to you. Convince yourself they're cheering for you. You do that, and someday, they will!"

'Vitamin D'

"Dear Journal. Feeling listless again today. It began at dawn, when I tried to make a smoothie out of beef bones, breaking my juicer. And then at Cheerios practice, disaster! It was unmistakable. It was like spotting the first spark on the Hindenburg. A quiver! That quiver will lose us Nationals. And without a championship, I'll lose my endorsements. And without those endorsements, I won't be able to buy my hovercraft. Glee Club. Every time I try to destroy that clutch of scab-eating mouth-breathers, it only comes back stronger, like some sexually-ambiguous horror movie villain. Here I am, about to turn 30, and I've sacrificed everything, only to be shanghaied by the bi-curious machinations of a cabal of doughy, misshapen teens. Am I missing something, Journal? Is it me? Of course it's not me. It's Will Schuester! What is it about him, Journal? Is it the arrogant smirk? Is it the store-bought home perm? It's coming clear to me now. If I can't destroy the club, I will have to destroy the man."

Vitamin D'

"Let me be frank. Your husband is hiding his kielbasa in a Hickory Farms gift basket that doesn't belong to you."

Throwdown'

"Santana! Wheels! Gay kid! Asian! Other Asian! Aretha! And Shaft! See, Will? I don't want to participate in any group that ignores the needs of minority students."

'Mash-up'

"I'll need to see that set list for sectionals after all. I want it on my desk warm from the laminator at 5 p.m. and if it is one minute late I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat and then on some dark cold night I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face."

Wheels'

"If I have a pregnant girl doing a handspring into a double layout, the judges aren't going to be admiring her impeccable form, they're going to be wondering if the centrifugal force is going to make the baby's head start crowning."

Mattress'

"You're too busy chasing tail and loading your hair with enormous amounts of product. Today, it just looks like you put lard in it."

'Sectionals'

"You'll be adding revenge to the long list of things you're no good at, right next to being married, running a high school glee club and finding a hairstyle that doesn't look like a lesbian."

'Sectionals'

"Get ready for the ride of your life, Will Schuester. You're about to board the Sue Sylvester Express. Destination: Horror!"

George Bush on the Economy

George Bush

One of the very difficult parts of the decision I made on the financial crisis was to use hardworking people's money to help prevent there to be a crisis." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 12, 2009

Jay Leno on Blaggo

A Profound Jay Leno Quote
Gov. Blagojevich was convicted and removed from office by a vote of 59-0. So close! So that's one corrupt politician down, 126,388 to go." --Jay Leno

Rumer Willis on Rumor confirmed that Mom was bringing Ashton Home

Quote Of the Week
Rumer Willis - daughter of divorced Bruce Willis and Demi Moore who is married to Ashton Kutcher
"Ash was a heart-throb, to me,' she grins. 'I had pictures of him on my wall at boarding school and I remember my mom saying that her new "friend" Ashton was going to come and hang out with us. And I said, "Whoa, wait - Ashton Kutcher?" and I kind of freaked out a little bit. I definitely blushed."

Quoting Barack Obama

Who is Barack Obama? Contrary to the rumors you have heard, I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father Jor-El to save the Planet Earth. Many of you know that I got my name, Barack, from my father. What you may not know is Barack is actually Swahili for 'That One.' And I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn't think I'd ever run for president. If I had to name my greatest strength, I guess it would be my humility. Greatest weakness, it's possible that I'm a little too awesome."

Jon Stuart and the Weapons of Mass Destruction WMD in Iraq

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Jon Stuart

Sara Palin Quote

"YOU BETCHA ! "
Sara Palin

The Words Of Ronald Regan

The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away.
- Ronald Reagan

George Carlin - a thought about war

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity

George Carlin

Springsteen on Blind Faith

Blind faith in your leaders, or in anything, will get you killed.

Bruce Springsteen

Chevy Chase On Bill And Hillary Clinton

I think the Clintons are brilliant. I've never met a person as intelligent as Bill, and I think Hillary is right up there with him. They're too smart for Washington.

Chevy Chase

Garrison Keillor

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny

Garrison Keillor

Henry Kissinger

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.

Henry Kissinger

David Letterman On Eliot Spitzer

Here Ya Go ...100 COUNT EM 100 Eliot SPitzer Jokes Click Here


The Favorite So Far:
"I guess you heard the big news. Governor Eliot Spitzer, governor of New York, resigned today. He left his resignation on the night table with a $300 tip." --David Letterman

George Carlin

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

George Carlin

Abraham Lincoln

Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.
Abraham Lincoln

Dennis Miller

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.

Dennis Miller

Muhamad Ali

"A 50 year old man who still has the same opinions that he had when he was 20 years old has just wasted 30 years of his life"

Muhamad Ali

Bruce Springsteen on dreams and lies

“Is a dream a lie if it don't come true, or is it something worse?”
Bruce Springsteen

Will Rogers

"I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat"

Will Rogers

Conan O'Brien

Yesterday, General David Petraeus testified before the Senate for 10 hours with just two bathroom breaks. During the same period, Senator Larry Craig took 73 bathroom breaks." --Conan O'Brien

David Letterman on The Bathroom Senator

The guy was arrested for lewd behavior in the men's room, and I'm thinking, 'Well, hell. I'm lucky if I can get a hand dryer to blow'" --David Letterman

Bill Cosby

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.
Bill Cosby

Sharon Stone on Sex

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."

Sharon Stone

PJ O'Rourke

"Excuse for Republicans driving sports cars that cost more than their fathers ever made in a year: It's cheaper than marrying a woman half my age." --P.J. O'Rourke

David Letterman after 9-11 serious - awesome

David Letterman: (after 9-11) (pictured with Johnny Carson )
"The reason we were attacked, the reason these people are dead, these people are missing and dead … They weren't doing anything wrong, they were living their lives, they were going to work, they were traveling, they were doing what they normally do. Uh, as I understand it—and my understanding of this is vague, at best—another smaller group of people stole some airplanes and crashed them into buildings. And we're told that they were zealots fueled by religious fervor, religious fervor. And if you live to be a thousand years old, will that make any sense to you? Will that make any goddamned sense?"

Barack Obama

“I'm so overexposed, I'm making Paris Hilton look like a recluse.”
Barack Obama

Bruce Springsteen

"You've got to learn to live with what you can't rise above”
Bruce Springsteen

Rush Limbaugh on Barack Obama Racist Comment

I couldn't believe how racist this statement from Rush Limbaugh was.

"If it's not something you want to be, if you didn't decide it, renounce it, become white."
Rush Limbaugh, on Sen. Barack Obama.